For a moment there it looked like the clods buying up all the bottled water and toilet paper might have been on to something after all, that they were going to be the ones laughing in the end while the rest of us drowned in our own excrement as we died of dehydration.
You couldn’t help but think of the Ant and the Grasshopper, the ancient fable where the ant works hard all summer long, storing away food while the grasshopper enjoys himself and then perishes in the winter, succumbing to starvation. But only if instead of working, the ant was loading up on frozen pizzas, potato chips and milk as the grasshopper went on shopping like a rational, unselfish person and starved to death for it in the cold.
This was about the time word leaked out that Gov. Pritzker was going to order everyone to remain inside, maybe for weeks, to prevent the spread of the coronavirus.
But then it turned out that the governor’s order to “shelter in place” or “stay at home” or whatever wasn't much to worry about at all. There was nothing stopping you from going to the store for more water or toilet paper — if there was any left once the hoarding crackpots finished picking their way through it. In fact, you could do quite a bit of what you were doing before the order from the governor came down.